befriend yourself

 it seems quite a paradox to me that most of us are in search of friends in the world when the biggest and truest friend that we can find is within ourselves i.e -US. its downright amusing when i see people dreading loneliness or solitude of any kind ... even if it is for a temporary basis.often in my socially forced (and sometimes self - imposed) moments of  solitude .. i have often understood things which i have never been able to, felt most at ease, made firm decisions to which i have stuck to and have fathomed things which have baffled me for quite sometime. in the hum - drum of today's world where relationships end as swiftly as they begin it is best to remain emotionally self -sufficient . of course a lot depends on a person's mentality .. but the general tendency to consider a a person who is alone as lonely and thus pitiable irks me .in such a world as ours one of the best favours we can bestow on ourselves is to enjoy our own company and to happy in it . of course I'm not asking you to become a recluse or a loner but to enjoy the few moments of  solitude that our busy lives afford us and to view them us perfect opportunities for some soul-searching. the answer to all your questions lie within you . a person who enjoys his own company is perhaps one of the most secure person in the world . just imagine  a person who never lets you down , who never asks u unnecessary questions , a person in front of whom you don't have to pretend .. and who understands you perfectly - wouldn't  you love to be with someone like this ?? .. then folks look no further .. that person is within YOU . :)

SPARE THE ROD , SPOIL THE CHILD

MUCH IS SAID ABOUT CORPORAL PUNISHMENT IN SCHOOLS. LOOKING AT THE UNFORTUNATE RISE IN THE NUMBER OF DEATHS OF SCHOOL CHILDREN WHICH ARE MANY A TIMES A DIRECT  AND SOMETIMES EVEN INDIRECT RESULT OF CANING OR OTHER FORM OF PHYSICAL ABUSE IN SCHOOLS ONE CAN EASILY MAKE SWEEPING CONCLUSIONS SUCH AS ' CORPORAL PUNISHMENT SHOULD BE BANNED IN SCHOOLS' OR  ' CANING IS A CRIME '.AFTER ALL .WHEN WE HEAR ABOUT INNOCENT CHILDREN BEING BEATEN UP BY TEACHERS WE DO FEEL ENRAGED . NO WORDS CAN REALLY DESCRIBE THE PAIN AND ANGUISH THAT THE BEREAVED FAMILIES WHO LOSE THEIR CHILDREN TO SUCH GROSS NEGLIGENCE GO THROUGH .. BUT THE QUESTION REMAINS ... CAN WE REALLY PUT CORPORAL PUNISHMENT  UNDER  THE CATEGORY OF A CRIME ??   IT MAY SOUND HARSH  OR EVEN TO A LARGE EXTENT CRUEL AND CALLOUS BUT I PERSONALLY DO NOT FIND CORPORAL PUNISHMENT TO BE THAT BIG A SIN  AS MOST PEOPLE  MAKE IT OUT TO BE . I OF COURSE AM NOT JUSTIFYING UNREASONABLE AND INSENSITIVE PUNISHMENTS CARRIED OUT ON STUDENTS. WE ALL KNOW THAT FEAR IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST DETERRENTS FOR WRONG DOERS AND THUS IT GOES A LONG WAY IN MAKING SURE THAT CHILDREN  BEHAVE THEMSELVES . IN A SCHOOL WHAT ONE BASICALLY LEARNS IS DISCIPLINE AND SO THE FACULTY OF A SCHOOL HAS TO BEAR THE ARDUOUS TASK OF DISCIPLINING THE CHILDREN. THUS SOMETIMES PUNISHMENT OF A HARSH AND STRONG MAGNITUDE IS NEEDED .CANING BY ITSELF IS NOT A BAD OR HUMILIATING THING. MY BROTHER  AND HIS FRIENDS USED TO BE CANED AT SCHOOL EARLIER  BUT THEY DID NOT COMMIT SUICIDE BECAUSE OF THAT . LETS FACE IT , MANY A TIMES STUDENTS HAVE ALSO BEEN DRIVEN TO SUICIDES WHEN THEY HAVE BEEN VERBALLY CHASTISED IN CLASS. SO CANING OR PHYSICAL PUNISHMENT ONLY  DO NOT CAUSE DEATHS OR VERY HARMFUL IMPACTS . HAVING STUDIED PSYCHOLOGY FOR TWO YEARS I CAN SAY THAT PUNISHMENTS ARE NECESSARY AND WARRANTED IN CERTAIN CASES . ACCORDING TO POPULAR NOTION  PSYCHOLOGISTS OFTEN SAY THAT CHILDREN SHOULD NOT BE METED OUT WITH HARSH PUNISHMENTS , BUT ACTUALLY IN REALITY THIS IS NOT WHAT THEY ADVOCATE . THERE ARE CERTAIN CONDITIONS OR PRE-REQUISITES WHICH ARE NEEDED  FOR  PUNISHMENTS TO BE EFFECTIVE  AND TO  HAVE A DETERRING EFFECT ON PEOPLE . IT IS UP TO THE  TEACHER TO UNDERSTAND WHICH SITUATION REQUIRES WHAT KIND OF PUNISHMENT AND WHEN AND HOW A PUNISHMENT IS TO BE ADMINISTERED. THE RIGHT KIND OF PUNISHMENT WHEN CARRIED OUT PROPERLY CAN HAVE TREMENDOUS POSITIVE IMPACTS .  TEACHERS NEED TO BE SENSITIVE TOWARDS CERTAIN THINGS . THIS REMINDS OF A CERTAIN POEM I READ IN CLASS 8 CALLED " ON KILLING A TREE " WHICH CONTAINED AN INNER  MESSAGE AS TO HOW ONE CAN ACTUALLY DESTROY A PERSON. IN SAID THAT TO COMPLETELY DESTROY A PERSON YOU HAVE TO STRIKE A BLOW AT THAT PERSON'S SELF CONFIDENCE AND SELF - ESTEEM. PUNISHMENTS  SHOULD NEVER EVER LOWER  A PERSON'S SELF CONFIDENCE . DEGRADING OR DEROGATORY PUNISHMENTS RING THE DEATH KNELL FOR ONE'S PERSONALITY AND CAN LEAD A STUDENT TO SUICIDE OR TO EVEN  SELF - DESTROYING  ACTS .,WHILE PUNISHING A STUDENT A TEACHER MUST MAKE SURE THAT SHE/HE DOES NOT  CAUSE A DENT AT  HER/HIS SELF CONFIDENCE . A PUPIL CAN  BE TRAUMATIZED EVEN BY A CALLOUS UTTERLY HUMILIATING REMARK BY A TEACHER WHICH IS NOT WARRANTED OR JUSTIFIED AND  NOT ONLY BY BEING SUBJECTED TO CORPORAL PUNISHMENT. A STUDENT CAN BE DRIVEN TO KILLING HIMSELF EVEN AFTER GETTING A VERBAL CANING  AS MUCH AS SHE/HE CAN AFTER GETTING A PHYSICAL ONE . SO MY POINT IS THAT A TEACHER WHILE TRYING TO REFORM  A STUDENT  MUST TAKE INTO CONSIDERATION CERTAIN FACTORS LIKE WHEN A STUDENT IS TO BE PUNISHED , HOW IS SHE/HE TO BE PUNISHED AND WHAT EXACTLY IS TO BE THE MAGNITUDE OF THE PUNISHMENT. IF EVERYTHING IS TAKEN INTO CONSIDERATION JUSTLY AND FAIRLY PUNISHMENTS CAN ACTUALLY REFORM A STUDENT. IF HOWEVER THESE THINGS ARE NOT BORNE IN MIND , PUNISHMENTS CAN MAKE A CHILD VERY FRUSTRATED AND DEPRESSED. IDEALLY PUNISHMENTS SHOULD BE CARRIED OUT IMMEDIATELY AFTER A WRONG HAS BEEN DONE AND THE MESSAGE THAT THE PUNISHMENT IS MEANT FOR THE STUDENT'S BENEFIT  MUST BE CONVEYED SOMEHOW . AFTER ALL PUNISHMENTS ARE MEANT TO REFORM AND NOT TO HUMILIATE OR SETTLE PERSONAL GRUDGES WHICH SOMETIMES WE DO SEE HAPPENING .

    THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO JUSTIFICATION FOR UNREASONABLE  HARSHNESS  OR OTHER INJUSTICES  BUT AT THE SAME TIME WE CAN ALSO SAY THAT  "SPARE THE ROD, SPOIL THE CHILD" . A RIGHT BALANCE BETWEEN STRICTNESS AND LENIENCY NEEDS TO BE STRUCK BY THE TEACHERS AND EVEN GUARDIANS WHILE THEY ARE DISCIPLINING AND MOULDING YOUNG MINDS. THE RIGHT BALANCE CAN MAKE A  CHILD OR A STUDENT BLOSSOM INTO A HEALTHY INDIVIDUAL. THE WRONG APPROACH CAN SADLY MAKE HER/HIM  LOSE INTEREST IN LIFE ITSELF.

THE GREAT INDIAN WEDDNG

THE KIND OF ATTENTION AND IMPORTANCE MARRIAGES ENJOY HERE IS CLEARLY SHOWN IN THE ELABORATE PREPARATIONS THAT PRECEDE THEM. MARRIAGES ARE CULMINATIONS OF MUCH 'SEARCHING' AND 'SEEING', 'NEGOTIATIONS' AND EVEN 'BARGAINING. INTERESTINGLY, OUR APPROACH TO MARRIAGES SHOW THE ATTITUDE AND MINDSET OF SOCIETY AT LARGE REGARDING VARIOUS THINGS.
PERSONALLY SPEAKING I FIND THE WHOLE PROCESS OF SEARCHING FOR THE RIGHT GROOM OR BRIDEGROOM VERY AMUSING AND EVEN TO A LARGE EXTENT SEXIST. FOR EXAMPLE, BOYS ARE LARGELY SPARED OF THE STRANGE PHOTO SESSIONS THAT GIRLS HAVE TO GO THROUGH BEFORE TALKS START REGARDING THEIR MARRIAGE. MANY A TIMES , THE OWNER OF THE PHOTO STUDIO IS STRICTLY INSTRUCTED TO MAKE SURE THAT THE PHOTO TURNS OUT LIGHTER. OF COURSE, THE COLONIAL HANGOVER THAT WE INDIANS SUFFER FROM REFLECT IN OUR ATTITUDE TOWARDS MARRIAGE AS WELL.A LOOK AT THE VARIOUS MATRIMONIAL COLUMNS IN OUR NEWSPAPERS WILL PROVE WHAT I HAVE JUST SAID. WHILE SEARCHING FOR BRIDES MOST PEOPLE WOULD PREFER A ' FAIR, HOMELY AND SLENDER GIRL' WHILE A BRIDEGROOM WHO IS AN 'NRI AND HAS A FIVE -DIGIT SALARY' IS IN DEMAND MOST. ANOTHER ASPECT OF THIS ENTIRE SETUP WHICH AMUSES ME IS THE WAY AN ENTIRE TEAM GOES TO 'SEE' THE GIRL IN HER HOME AS IF SHE IS AN OBJECT OF DISPLAY.EVEN WORSE IS THE CROSS-QUESTIONING THAT THE GIRL IS SUBJECTED TO BY THE BOY'S FAMILY DURING THESE MEETS. DURING THIS VISIT THE GIRL HAS TO PROVE THAT SHE IS IN FACT THE IDEAL DAUGHTER-IN-LAW.
MARRIAGES ARE GENERALLY CONSIDERED AS STARTING POINTS OF NEW RELATIONSHIPS BUT SADLY THEY ARE NOT DEVOID OF THE COMMERCIAL ASPECTS AS WELL.DOWRY IS STILL A HARSH REALITY IN OUR SOCIETY , WITH EVEN THE POOREST OF FAMILIES HAVING TO PAY CONSIDERABLE SUMS OF MONEY TO THE GROOM.LUXURY ITEMS ARE GIVEN IN THE FORM OF DOWRY AS WELL , IN ORDER TO 'FILL' THE HOUSE OF THE GROOM. THUS IN THE END , THE GIRL'S PARENTS NOT ONLY LOSE THEIRE DAUGHTER, WHO IS THEIRE MOST PRIZED POSSESSION, BUT ALSO THEIRE MONEY TO THE GROOM. MARRIAGES THESE DAYS HAVE ALSO BECOME IMPORTANT OPPORTUNITIES FOR FAMILIES TO DISPLAY THIERE WEALTH. NOT CONTENT WITH SIMPLE CEREMONIES, MOST FAMILIES LIKE TO GO ALL OUT WITH THE PREPARATIONS,WASTING THEIR MONEY ON UNECESARRY SHOW AND GLAMOUR. SUCH IS THE IMPACT OF MARRIAGES ON THE MARKETS THAT DURING THE SO-CALLED 'SEASON OF MARRIAGES' PRICES OF CERTAIN COMMODITIES GO UP .
IT IS A WIDELY KNOWN FACT THAT MARRIAGES AND WEDDINGS ARE ARE AWAITED EAGERLY IN MOST FAMILIES. MARRIAGES OFFER PERFECT OPPORTUNITIES FOR RELATIVES TO COME TOGETHER AND MAKE MERRY . HAVING BEEN A WITNESS TO MY COUSINS' MARRIAGES, I HAVE SEEN THE CHAOS THAT TAKES PLACE WHEN A BATTALION OF RELATIVES DESCEND IN THE HOUSE WHERE THE MARRIAGE IS TAKING PLACE AND HAVE A GALA TIME. FOR EXAMPLE YOU SEE YOUR COUSINS, AUNTS, UNCLES CATCHING UP AND GOSSIPING. SOMETIMES YOU EVEN GET TO SEE SUCH RELATIVES WHOSE EXISTENCE YOU WERE PREVIOUSLY UNAWARE OF. MANY A TIMES YOU SEE PARENTS KEEPING AN EYE OUT FOR POTENTIAL BRIDES OR BRIDEGROOMS FOR THEIRE CHILDREN. SOME PEOPLE COME SO DECKED UP FOR THE WEDDING.THAT YOU MAY ALSO MISTAKE THEM TO BE THE BRIDE OR THE BRIDEGROOM. THIS IN SHORT IS YOUR INDIAN WEDDING , FILLED WITH GLAMOUR, 'BLING' ,DRAMA AND ALSO LOTS OF FUN AND CEREMONIES .
IT WILL HARDLY BE AN EXAGERATION TO SAY THAT MARRIAGES ARE NOT ONLY A UNION OF TWO FAMILIES BUT ALS S EFFECTIVE OPPORTUNITIES TO SOCIALIZE AND INDULGE YOURSELF IN FESTIVITY AND CELEBRATIONS. SO LONG AS MARRIAGES CONTINUE TO BE SO AMUSING AND AND FUN, WE INDIANS WILL REMAIN AN ENTERTAINED LOT !!
PERHAPS NO OTHER EVENT IN A PERSON'S LIFE IN INDIA IS AS HYPED AS MARRIAGES.TOUTED AS A SACRED BOND OF WHICH UNITES NOT ONLY TWO PERSONS BUT ALSO TWO FAMILIES, MARRIAGES IN INDIA ARE REALLY BIG, GLITZY AFFAIRS GENERALLY, AS ANY PERSON WHO HAS ATTENDED INDIAN WEDDINGS CAN TESTIFY.