the brave leap ahead

life is weird .. really weird . just when you are soaring in your happiness , gloating with arrogance and looking down upon others unconsciously ( or even knowingly ) , it brings you down with a huge thud almost in a way as if to say " yeah .. u trying to be too smart eh ?? .. wake up !! . who gave you the right to feel at the top ?? "
      and u faall .suddenly you no longer are the  boy in your office secretly  gloating over the fact that you have the hottest girlfriend . she has left you .. and that too for a colleague who doesn't look half as good as you do .. or so you thought . maybe you find out that your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse is cheating on you . you feel hurt and exploited and think about the various ways in which you can get back at them . where had you lacked ??? . and everybody used to say that you two are the bestest couple the "made-for-ever" types and you had failed .  how about another fiasco -  the job that you thought  was meant for you lands in someone else's  kitty and you are left explaining to the hundreds of people ( to whom  you had already told about the job in your euphoria ) about why you did not get it when you were so sure about it and why on earth are you STILL unemployed even though you are able . people sympathize with you and even pass snide comments about what happens when you count your chickens before they hatch .
   ouch !!!! that HURTS !!  
i hope you have got my drift  by now . what  i have verbally painted in front of you is an absolute disaster . something that shakes you from the comforts of being at the top and brings you down . now .. the million dollar question is .. what do you do ?? the rosy glasses through which you viewed the world has broken .. life has shown you the mirror . What next ? suicide ?  isn't it blasphemous ?? revenge on the person who took it away .. ? slip into depression ...... ?? that seems your safest bet .. or come back with a storm .. a positive one of course . it is said that a leopard takes few steps backward before taking the final large leap . you can choose to be that leopard but of course it will be a herculean task . getting up , dusting yourself ,  moving on ... putting the pieces back , facing your demons ,  getting your act together . yes it will be taxing , people will say things behind your back.. ( GOODNESS GRACIOUS WHY DON'T  THEY JUST  SHUT THE F**K UP ??!!!!!!!! ) but it will all be for the good or even for the better . and this time your feet will be firmly planted in the ground which is really worth it, trust me . i agree modesty is another confusing thing , the moment you think you have it , voila ..  you have lost it !!! but the idea is to to have a firm understanding of your strengths and weaknesses , be grateful for all that you have  (because someone out there is in a worse position then you and would gladly trade lives with you)  and then move on ahead in life . and before you  know it .. you have risen , reincarnated .. like a phoenix from its ashes .

befriend yourself

 it seems quite a paradox to me that most of us are in search of friends in the world when the biggest and truest friend that we can find is within ourselves i.e -US. its downright amusing when i see people dreading loneliness or solitude of any kind ... even if it is for a temporary basis.often in my socially forced (and sometimes self - imposed) moments of  solitude .. i have often understood things which i have never been able to, felt most at ease, made firm decisions to which i have stuck to and have fathomed things which have baffled me for quite sometime. in the hum - drum of today's world where relationships end as swiftly as they begin it is best to remain emotionally self -sufficient . of course a lot depends on a person's mentality .. but the general tendency to consider a a person who is alone as lonely and thus pitiable irks me .in such a world as ours one of the best favours we can bestow on ourselves is to enjoy our own company and to happy in it . of course I'm not asking you to become a recluse or a loner but to enjoy the few moments of  solitude that our busy lives afford us and to view them us perfect opportunities for some soul-searching. the answer to all your questions lie within you . a person who enjoys his own company is perhaps one of the most secure person in the world . just imagine  a person who never lets you down , who never asks u unnecessary questions , a person in front of whom you don't have to pretend .. and who understands you perfectly - wouldn't  you love to be with someone like this ?? .. then folks look no further .. that person is within YOU . :)

SPARE THE ROD , SPOIL THE CHILD

MUCH IS SAID ABOUT CORPORAL PUNISHMENT IN SCHOOLS. LOOKING AT THE UNFORTUNATE RISE IN THE NUMBER OF DEATHS OF SCHOOL CHILDREN WHICH ARE MANY A TIMES A DIRECT  AND SOMETIMES EVEN INDIRECT RESULT OF CANING OR OTHER FORM OF PHYSICAL ABUSE IN SCHOOLS ONE CAN EASILY MAKE SWEEPING CONCLUSIONS SUCH AS ' CORPORAL PUNISHMENT SHOULD BE BANNED IN SCHOOLS' OR  ' CANING IS A CRIME '.AFTER ALL .WHEN WE HEAR ABOUT INNOCENT CHILDREN BEING BEATEN UP BY TEACHERS WE DO FEEL ENRAGED . NO WORDS CAN REALLY DESCRIBE THE PAIN AND ANGUISH THAT THE BEREAVED FAMILIES WHO LOSE THEIR CHILDREN TO SUCH GROSS NEGLIGENCE GO THROUGH .. BUT THE QUESTION REMAINS ... CAN WE REALLY PUT CORPORAL PUNISHMENT  UNDER  THE CATEGORY OF A CRIME ??   IT MAY SOUND HARSH  OR EVEN TO A LARGE EXTENT CRUEL AND CALLOUS BUT I PERSONALLY DO NOT FIND CORPORAL PUNISHMENT TO BE THAT BIG A SIN  AS MOST PEOPLE  MAKE IT OUT TO BE . I OF COURSE AM NOT JUSTIFYING UNREASONABLE AND INSENSITIVE PUNISHMENTS CARRIED OUT ON STUDENTS. WE ALL KNOW THAT FEAR IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST DETERRENTS FOR WRONG DOERS AND THUS IT GOES A LONG WAY IN MAKING SURE THAT CHILDREN  BEHAVE THEMSELVES . IN A SCHOOL WHAT ONE BASICALLY LEARNS IS DISCIPLINE AND SO THE FACULTY OF A SCHOOL HAS TO BEAR THE ARDUOUS TASK OF DISCIPLINING THE CHILDREN. THUS SOMETIMES PUNISHMENT OF A HARSH AND STRONG MAGNITUDE IS NEEDED .CANING BY ITSELF IS NOT A BAD OR HUMILIATING THING. MY BROTHER  AND HIS FRIENDS USED TO BE CANED AT SCHOOL EARLIER  BUT THEY DID NOT COMMIT SUICIDE BECAUSE OF THAT . LETS FACE IT , MANY A TIMES STUDENTS HAVE ALSO BEEN DRIVEN TO SUICIDES WHEN THEY HAVE BEEN VERBALLY CHASTISED IN CLASS. SO CANING OR PHYSICAL PUNISHMENT ONLY  DO NOT CAUSE DEATHS OR VERY HARMFUL IMPACTS . HAVING STUDIED PSYCHOLOGY FOR TWO YEARS I CAN SAY THAT PUNISHMENTS ARE NECESSARY AND WARRANTED IN CERTAIN CASES . ACCORDING TO POPULAR NOTION  PSYCHOLOGISTS OFTEN SAY THAT CHILDREN SHOULD NOT BE METED OUT WITH HARSH PUNISHMENTS , BUT ACTUALLY IN REALITY THIS IS NOT WHAT THEY ADVOCATE . THERE ARE CERTAIN CONDITIONS OR PRE-REQUISITES WHICH ARE NEEDED  FOR  PUNISHMENTS TO BE EFFECTIVE  AND TO  HAVE A DETERRING EFFECT ON PEOPLE . IT IS UP TO THE  TEACHER TO UNDERSTAND WHICH SITUATION REQUIRES WHAT KIND OF PUNISHMENT AND WHEN AND HOW A PUNISHMENT IS TO BE ADMINISTERED. THE RIGHT KIND OF PUNISHMENT WHEN CARRIED OUT PROPERLY CAN HAVE TREMENDOUS POSITIVE IMPACTS .  TEACHERS NEED TO BE SENSITIVE TOWARDS CERTAIN THINGS . THIS REMINDS OF A CERTAIN POEM I READ IN CLASS 8 CALLED " ON KILLING A TREE " WHICH CONTAINED AN INNER  MESSAGE AS TO HOW ONE CAN ACTUALLY DESTROY A PERSON. IN SAID THAT TO COMPLETELY DESTROY A PERSON YOU HAVE TO STRIKE A BLOW AT THAT PERSON'S SELF CONFIDENCE AND SELF - ESTEEM. PUNISHMENTS  SHOULD NEVER EVER LOWER  A PERSON'S SELF CONFIDENCE . DEGRADING OR DEROGATORY PUNISHMENTS RING THE DEATH KNELL FOR ONE'S PERSONALITY AND CAN LEAD A STUDENT TO SUICIDE OR TO EVEN  SELF - DESTROYING  ACTS .,WHILE PUNISHING A STUDENT A TEACHER MUST MAKE SURE THAT SHE/HE DOES NOT  CAUSE A DENT AT  HER/HIS SELF CONFIDENCE . A PUPIL CAN  BE TRAUMATIZED EVEN BY A CALLOUS UTTERLY HUMILIATING REMARK BY A TEACHER WHICH IS NOT WARRANTED OR JUSTIFIED AND  NOT ONLY BY BEING SUBJECTED TO CORPORAL PUNISHMENT. A STUDENT CAN BE DRIVEN TO KILLING HIMSELF EVEN AFTER GETTING A VERBAL CANING  AS MUCH AS SHE/HE CAN AFTER GETTING A PHYSICAL ONE . SO MY POINT IS THAT A TEACHER WHILE TRYING TO REFORM  A STUDENT  MUST TAKE INTO CONSIDERATION CERTAIN FACTORS LIKE WHEN A STUDENT IS TO BE PUNISHED , HOW IS SHE/HE TO BE PUNISHED AND WHAT EXACTLY IS TO BE THE MAGNITUDE OF THE PUNISHMENT. IF EVERYTHING IS TAKEN INTO CONSIDERATION JUSTLY AND FAIRLY PUNISHMENTS CAN ACTUALLY REFORM A STUDENT. IF HOWEVER THESE THINGS ARE NOT BORNE IN MIND , PUNISHMENTS CAN MAKE A CHILD VERY FRUSTRATED AND DEPRESSED. IDEALLY PUNISHMENTS SHOULD BE CARRIED OUT IMMEDIATELY AFTER A WRONG HAS BEEN DONE AND THE MESSAGE THAT THE PUNISHMENT IS MEANT FOR THE STUDENT'S BENEFIT  MUST BE CONVEYED SOMEHOW . AFTER ALL PUNISHMENTS ARE MEANT TO REFORM AND NOT TO HUMILIATE OR SETTLE PERSONAL GRUDGES WHICH SOMETIMES WE DO SEE HAPPENING .

    THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO JUSTIFICATION FOR UNREASONABLE  HARSHNESS  OR OTHER INJUSTICES  BUT AT THE SAME TIME WE CAN ALSO SAY THAT  "SPARE THE ROD, SPOIL THE CHILD" . A RIGHT BALANCE BETWEEN STRICTNESS AND LENIENCY NEEDS TO BE STRUCK BY THE TEACHERS AND EVEN GUARDIANS WHILE THEY ARE DISCIPLINING AND MOULDING YOUNG MINDS. THE RIGHT BALANCE CAN MAKE A  CHILD OR A STUDENT BLOSSOM INTO A HEALTHY INDIVIDUAL. THE WRONG APPROACH CAN SADLY MAKE HER/HIM  LOSE INTEREST IN LIFE ITSELF.

THE GREAT INDIAN WEDDNG

THE KIND OF ATTENTION AND IMPORTANCE MARRIAGES ENJOY HERE IS CLEARLY SHOWN IN THE ELABORATE PREPARATIONS THAT PRECEDE THEM. MARRIAGES ARE CULMINATIONS OF MUCH 'SEARCHING' AND 'SEEING', 'NEGOTIATIONS' AND EVEN 'BARGAINING. INTERESTINGLY, OUR APPROACH TO MARRIAGES SHOW THE ATTITUDE AND MINDSET OF SOCIETY AT LARGE REGARDING VARIOUS THINGS.
PERSONALLY SPEAKING I FIND THE WHOLE PROCESS OF SEARCHING FOR THE RIGHT GROOM OR BRIDEGROOM VERY AMUSING AND EVEN TO A LARGE EXTENT SEXIST. FOR EXAMPLE, BOYS ARE LARGELY SPARED OF THE STRANGE PHOTO SESSIONS THAT GIRLS HAVE TO GO THROUGH BEFORE TALKS START REGARDING THEIR MARRIAGE. MANY A TIMES , THE OWNER OF THE PHOTO STUDIO IS STRICTLY INSTRUCTED TO MAKE SURE THAT THE PHOTO TURNS OUT LIGHTER. OF COURSE, THE COLONIAL HANGOVER THAT WE INDIANS SUFFER FROM REFLECT IN OUR ATTITUDE TOWARDS MARRIAGE AS WELL.A LOOK AT THE VARIOUS MATRIMONIAL COLUMNS IN OUR NEWSPAPERS WILL PROVE WHAT I HAVE JUST SAID. WHILE SEARCHING FOR BRIDES MOST PEOPLE WOULD PREFER A ' FAIR, HOMELY AND SLENDER GIRL' WHILE A BRIDEGROOM WHO IS AN 'NRI AND HAS A FIVE -DIGIT SALARY' IS IN DEMAND MOST. ANOTHER ASPECT OF THIS ENTIRE SETUP WHICH AMUSES ME IS THE WAY AN ENTIRE TEAM GOES TO 'SEE' THE GIRL IN HER HOME AS IF SHE IS AN OBJECT OF DISPLAY.EVEN WORSE IS THE CROSS-QUESTIONING THAT THE GIRL IS SUBJECTED TO BY THE BOY'S FAMILY DURING THESE MEETS. DURING THIS VISIT THE GIRL HAS TO PROVE THAT SHE IS IN FACT THE IDEAL DAUGHTER-IN-LAW.
MARRIAGES ARE GENERALLY CONSIDERED AS STARTING POINTS OF NEW RELATIONSHIPS BUT SADLY THEY ARE NOT DEVOID OF THE COMMERCIAL ASPECTS AS WELL.DOWRY IS STILL A HARSH REALITY IN OUR SOCIETY , WITH EVEN THE POOREST OF FAMILIES HAVING TO PAY CONSIDERABLE SUMS OF MONEY TO THE GROOM.LUXURY ITEMS ARE GIVEN IN THE FORM OF DOWRY AS WELL , IN ORDER TO 'FILL' THE HOUSE OF THE GROOM. THUS IN THE END , THE GIRL'S PARENTS NOT ONLY LOSE THEIRE DAUGHTER, WHO IS THEIRE MOST PRIZED POSSESSION, BUT ALSO THEIRE MONEY TO THE GROOM. MARRIAGES THESE DAYS HAVE ALSO BECOME IMPORTANT OPPORTUNITIES FOR FAMILIES TO DISPLAY THIERE WEALTH. NOT CONTENT WITH SIMPLE CEREMONIES, MOST FAMILIES LIKE TO GO ALL OUT WITH THE PREPARATIONS,WASTING THEIR MONEY ON UNECESARRY SHOW AND GLAMOUR. SUCH IS THE IMPACT OF MARRIAGES ON THE MARKETS THAT DURING THE SO-CALLED 'SEASON OF MARRIAGES' PRICES OF CERTAIN COMMODITIES GO UP .
IT IS A WIDELY KNOWN FACT THAT MARRIAGES AND WEDDINGS ARE ARE AWAITED EAGERLY IN MOST FAMILIES. MARRIAGES OFFER PERFECT OPPORTUNITIES FOR RELATIVES TO COME TOGETHER AND MAKE MERRY . HAVING BEEN A WITNESS TO MY COUSINS' MARRIAGES, I HAVE SEEN THE CHAOS THAT TAKES PLACE WHEN A BATTALION OF RELATIVES DESCEND IN THE HOUSE WHERE THE MARRIAGE IS TAKING PLACE AND HAVE A GALA TIME. FOR EXAMPLE YOU SEE YOUR COUSINS, AUNTS, UNCLES CATCHING UP AND GOSSIPING. SOMETIMES YOU EVEN GET TO SEE SUCH RELATIVES WHOSE EXISTENCE YOU WERE PREVIOUSLY UNAWARE OF. MANY A TIMES YOU SEE PARENTS KEEPING AN EYE OUT FOR POTENTIAL BRIDES OR BRIDEGROOMS FOR THEIRE CHILDREN. SOME PEOPLE COME SO DECKED UP FOR THE WEDDING.THAT YOU MAY ALSO MISTAKE THEM TO BE THE BRIDE OR THE BRIDEGROOM. THIS IN SHORT IS YOUR INDIAN WEDDING , FILLED WITH GLAMOUR, 'BLING' ,DRAMA AND ALSO LOTS OF FUN AND CEREMONIES .
IT WILL HARDLY BE AN EXAGERATION TO SAY THAT MARRIAGES ARE NOT ONLY A UNION OF TWO FAMILIES BUT ALS S EFFECTIVE OPPORTUNITIES TO SOCIALIZE AND INDULGE YOURSELF IN FESTIVITY AND CELEBRATIONS. SO LONG AS MARRIAGES CONTINUE TO BE SO AMUSING AND AND FUN, WE INDIANS WILL REMAIN AN ENTERTAINED LOT !!
PERHAPS NO OTHER EVENT IN A PERSON'S LIFE IN INDIA IS AS HYPED AS MARRIAGES.TOUTED AS A SACRED BOND OF WHICH UNITES NOT ONLY TWO PERSONS BUT ALSO TWO FAMILIES, MARRIAGES IN INDIA ARE REALLY BIG, GLITZY AFFAIRS GENERALLY, AS ANY PERSON WHO HAS ATTENDED INDIAN WEDDINGS CAN TESTIFY.

PRIVACY - A THING OF THE PAST ?

THERE WAS A TIME WHEN  CERTAIN ASPECTS OF AN INDIVIDUAL'S LIFE WERE KEPT PRIVATE .QUITE A FEW SPHERES OF A PERSON'S LIFE WERE KEPT TO THE PRIVATE AND PERSONAL DOMAIN  ...CERTAIN FAMILY EVENTS/AFFAIRS, RELATIONSHIPS , FEELINGS AND  OTHER SUCH FACETS OF YOU AND YOUR LIFE WERE GIVEN A  SACRED STATUS ..MEANT ONLY TO BE SHARED BY A  SPECIAL FEW .....AND NOT FOR THE SCRUTINY OF HUNDREDS OF ODD  PEOPLE .
   YOU MAY BLAME IT ON THE FAST PROLIFERATION OF THE MEANS OF MASS COMMUNICATION  OR ON THE RADICAL CHANGES IN THE MENTALITY OF THE PEOPLE BUT THE THIN LINE BETWEEN THE PRIVATE AND THE  PUBLIC HAS GOT  BLURRED . TAKE FOR INSTANCE OUR SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES LIKE FACEBOOK , ORKUT AND THE LIKE ..WE OFTEN FIND PEOPLE EXPOSING , WITHOUT ANY QUALMS ,THERE INNERMOST FEELINGS LIKE LOVE ,SORROW, ANGER, HATRED AND JEALOUSY (WHICH IRONICALLY THEY WILL HESITATE TO  EXPRESS FACE TO FACE)  THROUGH THESE SITES ..INTIMATE PICTURES ARE PUT UP FOR EVERYONE TO SEE. FOR EXAMPLE IF YOU HAPPEN TO BE ON THE FRIEND LIST OF YOUR BOSS YOU MIGHT JUST EVEN SEE YOUR BOSS'S  PICTURES WITH HIS 'SPECIAL SOMEONE'  WHICH WOULD HAVE BEEN AN IMPOSSIBILTY EARLIER , NOT ONLY BECAUSE SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES ARE A RECENT PHENOMENA BUT ALSO BECAUSE THIS SELF DISPLAYING  TENDENCY  HAS TAKEN OVER US OFF LATE FOR WHICH WE CAN ATTRIBUTE A LARGE NUMBER OF CAUSES..BY JUST BEING CONFIRMED AS A FRIEND OF A PERSON ON FACEBOOK YOU ARE MANY A TIMES PRIVY TO THE MOST INTIMATE AND PERSONAL MOMENTS OF A PERSON'S LIFE ..GONE ARE THE DAYS WHEN THINGS WERE MEANT TO BE FOR YOU AND A FEW OTHERS ...PERHAPS ITS THE SAFE IMPERSONAL NATURE OF SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES  WHICH MAKES COMMUNICATING SOOO EASY ...OR THE FACT THAT  YOU CAN CONTROL WHAT YOU WANT TO PROJECT ..ALSO THE IDEA OF HAVING YOUR OWN  ACCOUNT WHERE YOU CAN DISPLAY A VERY FAVOURABLE POTRAIT OF YOURSELF IS ALSO VERY APPEALING. AND THE INTIMATE NATURE OF THE UPLOADED  PICTURES AND CHANGING REALATIONSHIP STATUSES ......LETS NOT EVEN GET THERE .
  CHEAP DISPLAY OF LOVE IS NOT ONLY SEEN IN THE WORLD OF SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES BUT ALSO IN OUR DAY TO DAY LIFE .. TRY GOING TO A PUBLIC  PARK DURING EVENINGS AND YOU WILL GET TO KNOW WHAT I MEAN ...SINCE WHEN DID WE BECOME SHALLOW THAT WE NOW USE OUR RELATIONSHIPS TO FLAUNT OUR POPULARITY ???  SINCE WHEN DID THE MANTRA SURROUNDING LOVE BECAME ' IF YOU HAVE IT THEN FLAUNT IT' ?? ...THATS EXACTLY MY POINT ..... MANY A TIMES I HAVE SEEN SO MANY PEOPLE SHARING SUCH  PERSONAL DETAILS OF THEIR  LIFE WITH OTHERS CONCERNING THERE FEELINGS. THE REALITY SHOWS ON TV HAVE  ALSO INVADED PEOPLE'S PRIVACY ... OFTEN THEY OPENLY SHOW   THE  PROBLEMS IN A COUPLE'S RELATIONSHIP AND  THERE MYRRIAD FAMILY PROBLEMS WHICH DOES WONDERS FOR THEIR TRP...NOTHING IS PRIVATE ...EVERYTHING IS UP THERE FOR EVERYONE TO SEE ...WASHING DIRTY LINEN IN PUBLIC IS WHAT WE CAN TERM THIS AS ...AND THE BIGGEST CATCH IS THAT MOST OF THE TIME THEY ARE PEOPLE WHO WE DON'T EVEN KNOW...MAYBE WE HAVE BEEN INFLUENCED A LOT BY THE PAPARAZZI CULTURE AND THE LIVES OF THE CELEBRITIES WHO REALLY DO NOT HAVE A PRIVATE LIFE AND LIKE THEM WE WANT EVERYTHING ABOUT US TO BE WIDELY KNOWN...ORF CORSE WE CANNOT COMPLAIN BECAUSE WE WILLINGLY SUBJECT OURSELVES TO PUBLIC SCRUTINY  OR EVEN TO A LARGE NUMBER OF ALMOST STRANGERS OF SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES.....
STRANGE BUT TRUE......